My Name And I

It’s funny how one discovers oneself and in what circumstances. Things that one never knew about oneself.

I remember when the book “Satanic Verses” was causing such a stir in the political, religious and literary circles. People were getting killed, their throats slit, fatwas issued for the author to be ‘destroyed’ because what he wrote was considered highly blasphemous and unforgivable by the clerics of Islam. Within the ordinary Muslim communities, people were outraged. There were various levels of outrage. There were also some who perhaps didn’t think it was such a big deal.

When my brother was in the US he was able to read the book, which was of course totally banned in Pakistan. Then when he came home for his college vacations he smuggled his copy of the book in to the country (I really do enjoy dramatizing! Most probably the custom officers didn’t even notice and a book is most likely not even recognized by them as anything significant). My father read the book and got furious. Now this was surprising. Here is a man who looks like he doesn’t have a strict religious stance and is open to all opinions, getting affected by the contents of the book. And that was because this “rot of a concept” of the book was unacceptable even to him as it was an insult to him as a Muslim. My brother didn’t get affected by reading it. I read it and didn’t understand much. But even with my limited comprehension felt the mocking tone of the book. I kind of understood what my dad felt.

Now at this point in my life, I feel that what is common between him and I, is this zone that we have within our emotional space that hardly shows up on the surface otherwise but sometimes due to specific stimulants gets triggered. Now those who take their religion seriously will consider our lifestyle unacceptable. They might also take offence at us for the way we are. Just as my father took offence for what Rushdie wrote.

I discovered this “zone” lately within me that got set off because some troubled brats in the school where I teach, decided to distort my name for fun.

Of course there are several layers to this reaction of mine. Firstly, it’s simply, pride. Secondly, it’s because my name has religious significance. Though, those who know me will find it strange coming from me, regardless of own non-practice of religion, I respect religious thought and ways of living as long as they are not suffocating people who follow the rules of their religion. And certainly there is no reason to complain about my name! It is a beautiful name that belonged to a greatly respected person in history. And not many people know its meaning, which I looked up for and simply love. It means, “a woman who nurtures”.

Coming back to the layers of my reaction the third of which is that the job I do is part of a program that also aims to bring awareness to Japanese students about foreign cultures. And so a person like me feels that giving respect to and importance of names is also a cultural characteristic (though I feel it should be a universal manner!) that needs to be conveyed to the students I interact with.

It’s strange though…Japan is suppose to be a traditional country, the traditions of which give shape to everyday lives of the people, but I suppose it has totally lost its traditions. Tradition is closely knitted with religion. But now Japan is a country without any sense of religion. And whether the secularists and modernists agree or not (though I don’t really care), with traditions and religion lost, distinction of right and wrong is getting blurred. Children especially, aren’t sure at all what the difference is.

Anyways, I have gone off in another tangent…

Let me pull back.

And so with this new discovery about myself, I am nowadays basking under it to let it be absorbed into my consciousness. I am not worried about it, rather on the contrary I feel, I am finally able to see something clear, (…and I admit) within my own blurred vision of how I want to be as a person.